Loose morals

My moments continue to happen. I eternally remember the times and sights; smells, sounds, and feelings I've had with different people and in new and old places. I am troubled by the utterly tiring concept of money and living. I look forward to a time wen we can live and survive without having to sacrifice years and years of our lives serving others. We call it self serving but the pieces of paper we hold onto with such conviction is what we serve. Religion is nothing compared to the grasp money has on the world. One day, we will break out. Until then, I understand what it is like to be a slave to a concept that I had no say in. Land of the free, more like home of the disillusioned. 

Hard work. Dedication

What is health? Activities that promote a healthy and properly functioning body? Could be. I believe that I have let y body become unhealthy. I have taken advantage of my youth and not in a positive way. I have just used my body for sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. At the age of 23 I look down at where my six pack used to be and I cringe. What a waste. I know it will just take determination and work to get back on track and that's not to much to ask of myself. I must just get into it and busy my ass. Move forward, look at the horizon, and only work towards what you want. Only problem is what I want is confusing. I want my health and stamina back but I want to party. I guess opposites are not really negotiable. That's why democracy has such trouble working... Anyway, push forward. 

Understanding

It has always been odd to me.  I get into this thinking, deep introverted thinking, that enhances how utterly upset and unfullfilled I feel. Maybe this is a normal, every person goes through this, type of thing.  Not many things pique my interest, and I find that strange.  I enjoy music, water, beautiful eyes, smiles, and i have never considered suicide as an option for anything.  I guess I am happy, but I realize that the world is evenly filled with sad and happy things.  Happy things lead to sad things and vice versa.

My feet are cold from standing outside February 1st with no socks or shoes.  I'm not bothered by it, because I can feel. My thoughts are connected to this thing called life, and my life gives me feelings and I think and ponder on what these feelings mean or are. What an absolutely strange species we are, humans.  Instead of living by instinct we live for learning.  We strive to gather more information in order to understand ourselves. We do not understand US.  We only have theories and ideas of how we work, internally and externally.  A true never ending story.

As I type, I understand that there are peaks and troughs for business activity, weather, happiness, and life.  One can only guess at when the ups will be or when the downs will be.  How beautiful that is.  Uncertainty, as scary as one could imagine, but wildly exciting and open for dictation and discovery.

Show a little kindness in your actions.  Love who is close.  Hold close the ones difficult to imagine life without. Cry often.  Exercise. Eat healthy. Learn new skills. Test new ideas. Meet new people. Let go of old ties. Work everyday towards being someone that you would be proud to call a partner or friend. You only have one life, and your time in this world has an expiration date. Don't let yourself sit on the shelf until your expiration.

Get up and do.  Salud my friends.

Thomas G.      

Currently

Surreal isn't it. Is it giving up if there is no passion for the thing you are considering to let go. I've tried my best. I've made mistakes but not costly ones. I am what I am and I can't change that, maybe I deserve to get pushed around. I feel taken advantage of but there is no way to explain it to anyone. I have allies but I don't want to get them involved. I love this property and care for out guests as if they were my own in my house. I guess that's not enough. It takes sacrifice and determination. I made it this far. Time to make moves and boogey. Love to Carmel Valley Ranch and the employees. You are all troopers and put up with mountains of adversity without giving up. And you put up with it every single day. As we increase our average occupancy, each person has to increase their productivity for this thing to work. It's madness but the idea of maximum effort,  Go until there is nothing left, is definitely being practice right now. To the unknown. 

Senior year

The time I want to relax. Not happening buddy. Time for focus. Time for determination. Lets keep moving through and not stop. It's funny how during these desperate times money can't solve a damn thing

Success

"I dedicate my life to learning, not to success." I said this to my farther today and he nearly was choked up. I found it funny, enlightening almost. I found that missing puzzle piece I was looking for today. Time to finish it tomorrow.

The Ranch

One year later and this shit turned upside down. It went from fabulous and wonderful to just shit. I used to love working for Carmel Valley Ranch but the management has made this place a nightmare. Maybe I should said the lack there of management and leadership. It's always been said if you want to do something right you do it yourself funny thing is our management delegates everything to everyone else. It's a far cry from management. It reminds me of a freshman in college telling a bunch of seniors the best way to pass classes.

The food and beverage director is a joke. The night manger is a joke. I'm really losing patience. It's hard to put up a smiling face and deal with this day in day out grind. I'm done if nothing changes